jadeswallow: (Nino jersey)
jadeswallow ([personal profile] jadeswallow) wrote2010-09-28 08:50 pm
Entry tags:

Fic: Words Left Unsaid

Title: Words Left Unsaid
Fandom: Arashi
Characters/Pairings: Nino/Nagasawa Masami
Rating: G
Word count: 1,662
Genre: Het, Angst
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] zheinpathos 
They have broken up, but they need to see each other again, because there are some words still left unsaid, lost between fights.
Notes: The story taken place not long after the release of Boku no Miteiru Fuukei

The night began with a phone call.

A simple how are you. I’ve seen news about the concerts, a pause, and a question, have you been eating well lately?

It felt unreal, meeting her again, sitting across to each other in a restaurant’s private room. And he knew he kept staring at her, and he shouldn’t do that, but he just couldn’t help himself.

They ate quietly, unsure of what they should talk about, and it felt awkward that they could sense each other’s presence again. He stared at her and thought how it brought back memories. The way she stirred her soup, the way she put her hair behind her ear, the way she took her spoon to her lips and blow it softly, the way her lips…damn. He needed to think about something else beside her lips.

He tried to focus on his food and raised his spoon to take a few sips, silently wondering if it’s a good decision to ask her out like this. At that moment, it seemed like a right thing to do. She missed him, and he missed her; they still wanted to see each other; he had time after concert rehearsals, so why not? But he knew it’s not the actual reason, because honestly, he just wanted to see her. He thought she would never call him again, and when she did, he just desperately wanted to grab the chance.

However, when he had met her, his lips are glued and he just couldn’t find the right moment to say it to her, something important he hadn’t appropriately told her. He looked at her again, trying to memorize her every moves, burning her image in his mind, because he didn’t do it the last time they met. It was a simple action, lost and forgotten between all those fights and tears.

He couldn’t help but notice how she still remembered what he likes, how he doesn’t like oily food (besides hamburger, of course), putting it in his bowl as she carefully picking his favorite. And he secretly laughed at himself. It’s obvious she hadn’t forgotten yet; it’s not even been that long. It has only been a few months, although, he admitted bitterly, it seemed longer than that.

Earlier, he was certain he had to see her again, but when they’re finally here, in silence, he was beginning to feel unsure. Perhaps it’s better if they never saw each other again; perhaps he shouldn’t ask her to dinner again. After the food on the table had been eaten, and they had nothing they could pretend to do, nothing to keep their hands busy to avoid the conversation, but he still didn’t know how to say it to her-- the words he has been meaning to tell her….

“I bought the album.” Her words were the first to break the silence in the room.

“Oh, really?” was the only reply he could manage. He silently cursed. How come he lost all of his snarky vocabulary, just because he heard she speaks?

“Mm,” she played with her spoon, twirling it around in the empty bowl in front of her. “I only got the regular edition though. Guess I’m not fast enough to buy the limited edition.”

“T-then?” He blurted out the word, “What do you think of it?” His heart was beating faster. Did she realize it? This might be the chance to say it; he felt like he was fated to say it.

“I like it,” she smiled a little, “I listen to it when I’m travelling in the car.”

“Oh.” He nodded. He stared at her again, couldn’t restrain himself. She had cut her hair short, which reminded him of how she looked like when they first met five years ago. It didn’t matter to him. She had insisted on keeping her hair long because he liked it better, but for him, she still looked beautiful even with short hair.

“How’s the shooting progress?”

“For Gold?” she asked. “It’s fine.”

He looked at her hands on the table. The fingers were long and slender, unlike his hamburger hands. He remembered how it felt when she linked her fingers with his, how the fingers have caressed his face and wrapped around his neck when they kissed. He moved his hands across the table and reached for hers. She gasped but said nothing. It was as though they had never touched before, and he hated it.

“Masami…” He hesitated, but then he didn’t want to have any regrets. He had to tell her now, or he will have to keep it unsaid forever. “Have you listened to my solo?”

She moved her gaze from the table. Their eyes locked together for the first time that night.

“I’ve heard it.” Her answer came as a whisper, as though she’s not sure if she could tell him that.

“Do you know what it means?”

“Thank you,” she immediately answered it this time, “right?” Her tone conveyed a warning, but he chose to ignore it.

Yes, it was so simple, but there were thousands of meaning hidden beneath those simple words. Yet, he had never said it properly to her. All his gratitude for everything she had done for him and more, so important that he felt he needed to pour into a song. He finally could say it directly to her.

“It was for you. I want to thank you, for all the things you have done for me.”

He was unsure if he could say it before, but since he had started, he couldn’t stop himself, and all the words just flew out of his mouth. He had pretended to look okay, because he has a job to do and an image to take care off. He had pretended that he was not affected by the stories of how she was suddenly getting thinner after they broke up. He had pretended that he hadn’t noticed she had cut her hair not long after that. He would always smile and look strong and confident in front of the camera, but they’re just alone, and it’s her. He could always be himself in front of her, showing how he sometimes felt lost and weak and unsure, and he has to say it-- it’s now or never.

“I’ve never said it properly before, and I know the meaning is not clear enough, but this time I have had difficulties conveying my feelings properly. I kept changing it, rewriting it over and over again. I actually brought the drafts today, so you could see how unsure I was about the lyrics, and…”

“I know.” She squeezed her hands, linked their fingers, and smiled, “Thank you.” God, how he missed that smile.

“There’s one more thing in that song that I need to tell you….”

“Kazu-chan,” she pulled back her hand. “Don’t”

“But, Masami…”

“Don’t. Please. Just…just don’t.” She shook her head slowly.

His heart slightly sank. “So I guess I can’t have a second chance then?” he asked. “I can change, you know.”

“I have given you your second chance, and your third.” Her lips trembled, but there was fierceness in her eyes. “It’s just…This was just not working.” She paused a little. “We deserved better. I’m sorry.” She played with her spoon again, avoiding his eyes. “I’m starting a new life now and I’m happy.”

The words hurt him, but he knew very well he deserved it. There was truth in her words. He had let her slipped through his fingers. It was his fault, and he knew he shouldn’t keep her away from her happiness, but he was still hurt. Only years of practice made him capable of hiding that feeling, so he smiled. “Well, at least I tried,” he said as he shrugged.

She bit her lips and he knew he couldn’t fool her, but they said nothing, because there were no appropriate words for this situation, except the repetitive I’m sorry. I hope you could forgive me. I hope you’ll find your happiness.

She cleared her throat. “Well, even if we’re not…together again, I still want you to take care of your health.” He appreciated her efforts to change the topic. She was always braver than she looks like, more mature than her roles made her seem to be. “You are getting thinner. It’s not healthy.”

They knew there were more meanings behind those words. I couldn’t cook for you again, I couldn’t call again to remind you to save the game and go to sleep, I couldn’t take care of you again if you sick; so you have to take care of yourself.

He knew she was sincere, and she was honestly care for him. He didn’t want to trouble her again, no matter how he wished he could rewind all these mistakes, erase all the bad memories, and start their relationship all over again. So he just smiled and assured her, “I know. Don’t worry. I’ll pay more attention to my health from now on.”

It’s like a promise, those words. And they kept silent after that, partly because they want to prevent themselves for going too far, and partly because there’s nothing else to be said, because those last words have shown them the difference, the distance they were having now.

When they finally rose up, he asked her, right before they parted. “Can I kiss you?” She turned to look at him.

“One last time, for the old time’s sake?” She hesitated for a while, but then nodded.

He reached her waist and his lips found hers. It was cold, and it was awkward, like it’s the first time they kissed. But then it got warmer, because their lips haven’t forgotten, and he stopped it, while he could still hold himself. It was sad, the last kiss, but it’s better than nothing. He whispered in her ear for one last time, and said the words before they went to separate ways. “Thank you.”

[identity profile] blufox-o7.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:25 pm (UTC)(link)

I really liked the overall tone of the piece, bb! :)

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading, bb! I still have another one waiting to be checked by my beta. At first I want to post them together, but well, it seems I have to post them one by one. ♥

[identity profile] blufox-o7.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I look forward to reading it, then! :) I haven't signed in MSN these days, but let's catch up one day and give me a heads up if you've posted it (in case I miss it in my messy fpage) ♥

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:54 pm (UTC)(link)
call me sometimes when we're both online then~

[identity profile] agentduckiechan.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Awwww. Neen. <3 Also, I like how mature Masami is in this - even after things ended badly, she still cares for Nino, but at the same time she can gently push him away and say it's over for good.

Other than a few tense shifts (it goes between past tense and present tense), it's very well-written. Great job :D

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading! eh, is the tense shifts annoy you?

[identity profile] agentduckiechan.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:21 pm (UTC)(link)
It's nothing bothersome, but it was just one of the rules of grammar taught to me. lol. Unless it's something like "I used to... but now I..." a writer is supposed to stay in the same tense as much as possible. Just some constructive criticism is all. I liked the story itself, though.

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
it's okay. my beta has been really through this time but i guess there's still some mistakes left

[identity profile] ciachan.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
this is sad.. but i like it and it makes me wanna hug them both <3

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:02 pm (UTC)(link)
collarbones! where's the photoshoot from?
thanks for reading!

[identity profile] ciachan.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
lol ya those clavicles are so tempting.. but sorry i dont remember >_< i got this from [livejournal.com profile] purple_palette

[identity profile] 5um1r3.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
this is very sweet~♥ i love the how you write this, thanks for sharing your work~ :)

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:36 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading :D

[identity profile] ichnelle.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
waah, the first ninoxmasami fic i have ever liked! the flow, the conversation, the nervous nino that he even brought his draft, i liked all what this fic has offered. i can imagine this happening for real. you did great job! thank you :D

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading. i have another one about them here if you want to read it :D

[identity profile] ohsyojdub.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 03:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Not much of a Masami fan but this is so beautifully written. I can feel the pull on the heartstrings.

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 04:01 pm (UTC)(link)
lol. i have notifications from my ym.

[identity profile] ohsyojdub.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Haha. Same as me. :p

[identity profile] martaczempion.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 04:59 pm (UTC)(link)
I never read Nino/Masami, but it was really a nice one.

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading! I always have a soft spot for Nino/Masami xD

[identity profile] zelskeet.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks a lot! I like this. Not long ago a friend of mine said she that Nino's solo sounds like a romantic message. I said, huh really?! I thought it's a thank you for everyone who greeted him on his birthday.. Then I read the translations since I don't usually read translations of Arashi songs. I like their songs the way it is even though I can't understand it :) After reading it, I said, "OMG, it really is a romantic message." It is a thank you message to someone special, to someone always there by his side. There's even a line saying, "How will we live our lives from now on?" "Though I’m not too sure about that myself, I'm not worried at all" "'coz your smile is the most important answer above all." After reading this line I got giddy.. Then I thought about Masami. Since then I believe that this song is for Masami.

This is my first time to read your fanfic. When I saw your A/N, the first thing that came into my mind is Nino's solo.. I'm so happy you noticed it too and this fanfic is about NinoxMasami.. I'm very happy. Feeling giddy all over again ^____^ Hope to read more of your fanfics especially this particular pairing. ^^

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading! Nino was very vague in the lyrics, as usual, we can have several interpretations from his words. It could be dedicated to fans as well, but I like to think he has another hidden meaning behind it. I have another Nino/Masami, Jun/Mao here

[identity profile] zelskeet.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Yep. It actually has double meaning. It could be for the fans or for someone special. But I'm always delusional haahahhaha. Thanks, I'll be reading your other fanfic in a moment. My ultimate pairing is Maotsujun but then I also like to read other pairings especially pairings that I like ;)

[identity profile] novemberbaby.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Awwwwwww~ ♥

To be honest, I don't really think much of this pairing but I've always believed that if Nino likes Masami, then that's a good thing and I'm happy about that. And when I read this, I was able to feel their history together and the overwhelming feelings. They are a rare pairing, but I hope you'll continue to write about them because you do such a good job. :)

Thank you for sharing!

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading!
i feel bad for making them interact again and again aftrr they broke up xD
overwhelming feelings, i love the sounds ♥

[identity profile] azraqey.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
can i cry?
why masami...why..? you should give nino 4th chance..or even 5th chance..T_T
i really like the way you tell the story....
but it's sad...huuuuuT_T

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading! well i always believe they could find happiness although they're not together anymore :)

[identity profile] zelskeet.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 06:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm hoping you could make part 2 of this where they will get back together but after reading your comment, nah, not a chance. This is it..^^

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
i doubt i will write a happy ending for them since it's not what happens in rl, but we'll see :)

[identity profile] zelskeet.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)
It's sad isn't it? But the story is beautifully told. ^^
I also want Masami to give Nino another chance. Even though the story turned out that way, obviously they still love each other. It's just that Nino is too late :( But maybe not, as long as Masami is not yet happily married there's always a chance, isn't it? Hope jade will make part 2 of this, hihihi :D

[identity profile] miyamoto-yukio.livejournal.com 2010-09-28 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
This is my very first time reading a Ninomiya/Nagasawa fic since I didn't like (and still don't) like this pairing. *HIDES* Though, I feel so sad for Ninomiya here. Oh well, at least he tried, right?

I wonder what's their real story.. I mean, what happened to them? XD
Thanks for posting!!! *HUGS*

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
yeah i'm really curious about what happened to them as well. i adore this pairing since i watched yasashii jikan
thanks for reading :)

[identity profile] bitsy-chan.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 12:27 am (UTC)(link)
It's my first time reading this a story about this pair. ♥ (Yeah, because I do not like this pair too../facepalm)

But this was seriously beautiful and heartbreaking.♥

Thanks! :)

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
i adore this pairing after i watched yasashii jikan :)
thanks for reading!

[identity profile] misswoodihut.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 05:47 am (UTC)(link)
FTW!!!!!!!!!! I adore this piece ♥ Good job (^A^)/

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading :)

[identity profile] chunamie.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 09:15 am (UTC)(link)
i never liked masami before but then fell in love with this pairing when i watched yasashii jikan. they're cute XD i just have this image of masami controlling nino XD
love this fic!♥

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading! :)

[identity profile] xteencrazii143.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)
i really love this pairing.
i don't know why but i love reading fanfics like this.
with so much angst in it.
i like nino/masami pairing so i really like this fanfic.
thanks dear.

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 06:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading :)
Idk I won't call this angst actually, since I write them as they can still be happy although they're not together. It just doesn't have quite a happy ending.

[identity profile] xteencrazii143.livejournal.com 2010-09-29 08:12 pm (UTC)(link)
for me though, if the paring that i support don't end up together is kinda angsty for me. i always wish for a happy ending. tee-hee~

[identity profile] fancyann1974.livejournal.com 2010-10-04 12:31 pm (UTC)(link)
lovely and sweet
thank you for sharing

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-10-08 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading :) late reply is late xD

[identity profile] narusaku4vr.livejournal.com 2010-10-20 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
My heart just ached. I love this pairing.
Though the story was sad, at least Nino was given a chance to say the words his been meaning to say. They're love for each other's still there even if they can't be together...somewhere down the road...maybe they csn be together again.

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2010-10-20 01:01 pm (UTC)(link)
It's too bad we will never know what actually happened between them, isn't it?

Thanks for reading :)

[identity profile] nunuuu.livejournal.com 2011-08-29 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
AHHHHH YANIE I SWEAR WHY AM I SO LATE TO THIS PARTY??? I LOVE THEM TOGETHER. ;_____; This is what happened when I consciously delayed watching Yasashii Jikan for YEARS. Damn it.

*picks up broken pieces of own heart*

This was a beautiful story, btw. So heart-rending. I like how Masami still has that fragility to show that she still cares about Nino, but strong enough to finally say no. Poor Nino though. But I guess that's how things work out. Doesn't make it any less bittersweet though! ♥

[identity profile] jadeswallow.livejournal.com 2011-08-29 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Right? Right? They were perfect together imo, let's ignore the fact that they're about the same height for a moment. lol.

Yasashii Jikan is a beautiful, beautiful drama, and I love everything in it. I've been planning to write a fic about what happened after the drama ended for quite some time, now that I have told you about it, I need to start writing it after all these exchanges fics are done.

Thank you for reading ♥ I want to believe that Masami was the one who dumped Nino and not the other way around XD Ahhh I wish she is happier now with AKIRA~

P.S The one in my icon is Masami btw :)